Theatrics: A Quarantine Struggle

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This is a self-portrait.

Despite the pep talks and the energy I give, these times are extremely difficult, also for me. I barely kept my shit together at work today. And tonight, I am struggling to find perspective.  I question whether I have the cognitive and emotional athleticism to be who I want to be. I experience self-doubt I have never known existed in me before. I don't even recognize myself.

Yet, I got a glimpse of myself in a mirror around the house, after the deluge of sadness that followed my last "Be well" greeting today.  So I captured her. I don’t want to forget the strength I will undoubtedly find when I dig so deep to find myself hopeful again. And the commitment I make to believing in myself.  Again. Grounded, graceful, grateful.

I was supposed to be somewhere else, accomplishing something big, and feeling a different way today. But finally, I let go. I grieve.

I honor my feelings as I celebrate lifting the shame of the decisions that brought me here. I don't want to hide her. This is who I am.