Learning German: Finding the Beginner In Me

[rt_reading_time label="Reading Time:" postfix="minutes" postfix_singular="minute"]Yesterday morning, I got confirmation that the intensive German class I had thought of signing up for upon my return to the US from Munich last month had reached an acceptable enrollment number and would indeed be taking place.A sense of panic took over my entire being.  Shit was getting real.  For months, I had talked about eventually needing to learn German, but the starting line had actually arrived.  For the next 5-weeks, I would commit to an intensive entry-level German class: 7 hours of classroom training a week + the supporting homework and studying time + the travel time to DC from Reston and back for a total of 10 sessions on Mondays and Wednesdays.I was fucking scared.  And nervous.But I grabbed some of my new recent acquisitions, a Leuchtturm notebook, my favorite Montblanc set of writing utensils and my Bavarian flag umbrella and headed to town.  My destination: none other than the epicenter of German culture abroad, in the US capital: the Geothe Institut.During the 20 or so miles commute from my home in the VA suburbs to Downtown DC, thoughts kept running through my mind: What if I am not good enough?  What if my brain can't actually learn like this anymore?  What if I am the old girl in the class?  What if I suck?  What if I want to give up?  What if I don't understand?I cracked open my new notebook and used its first page to journal.  I knew I needed to let these voices out, to honor my thoughts and emotions, to stay in and savor this moment.  Daunting.  Difficult.  Different.

So I let it all out. And here is what I observed and learned:I haven't started anything unknown in a long time.  I am a complete novice at the beginning of a brand new journey.  With an almost naively open mindset.  And we don't often get this opportunity in life: to start from scratch.  Let alone have the luxury of awareness, of taking the time to feel, think, and write about it.I am completely outside my comfort zone and in this experience, I am practicing living with and growing from what that feels like.  And I am so grateful for these emotions and thoughts. Even if in this race, I know I will never reach the finish line.All in the name of gaining a more profound understanding of this German culture I love. The gift that keeps on giving.It all starts somewhere, and it doesn't last very long...Ich bin Caroline.  Wie geht's?